Erm… I’m not sure… I think the two go hand in hand pretty often. I don’t want to be homeless, I never want to be freaked about bills or student loans (although I will be, because this is America)
I’ve had so many people tell me that. I’m not sure if anyone realizes that there really isn’t much that makes me all that happy. There are things that distract me, but really the few things that make me happy are people, well, my dog and my girlfriend and it’s not like I can really turn either of them into a career.
A lot of the stuff on my blog may be Triggering to some users. I can’t always guarantee a trigger warning, especially on stuff like replies to posts. I will try and tag what I can as either Rant, Depression, or tag a trigger warning.
I’ve thought about dropping out of college, but then there’s work, which doesn’t really sound much better. I’ve never really wanted much of a career path. To be honest, not much in life really interests me or makes me excited, and things that used to you really just don’t anymore. These days I mostly just ignore it by focusing on magic the gathering almost exclusively, and just shutting off my brain the rest of the time. If I was 21, or if I knew people who knew people, it’d be alcohol, but unfortunately I’m neither old enough or well connected enough to drink myself to death.
It seems like I always get at least one more follower after posting depression shit. Do you all enjoy watching me be miserable or something? XD
i miss when i was like 12 and it would be the night before a big field trip or something and i couldnt go to sleep because i was so excited. i miss being so into a book that i would stay up past my bed time reading it. everything seems so bland or something idk. i’m only 19 and everything is so tiring. i miss wanting to be awake
this is the realist shit on this website
I do that. I’m done doing that. I’m literally just done. I get what you’re trying to do, and I appreciate it. But I’m not really in a position where I can just say “fuck it” unless I’m literally killing myself. I CAN’T do whatever the hell I want, really. I think I’m honestly at the point where I wouldn’t even really want to do anything if I could.
Still, thanks for reading my rant and giving a shit. I appreciate it.
I’m done. I’m honestly just done. I’m done with trying so fucking hard, I’m done with pretending like college is going to be great and like I’m going to be able to figure things out with my mom and like things are going to work out.
Because guess what, things don’t work out. That’s fucking life. As soon as you stumble broken and bleeding through one crisis, it throws another one at you.
There’s really no fucking point to anything, honestly. I’m sick of jumping through hoops. I’m sick of life, and all that it entails. I’ve literally been running on fumes and a prayer for the last year, and I’ve finally run out. I’m completely and utterly spent, hopeless, and done.
Will I kill myself? Probably not. Honestly I’m too spent for that at this point. I’m already dying on the inside, so I don’t see why it’d really fucking matter.
So Hasbro / WotC isn’t invincible… huh… <.<
My depression isn’t a matter of “I don’t know what to do with my life.” My depression is “There is nothing I CAN do with my life.” There is nothing I can do. There is nothing for me. I’m hopeless.